E3 2009 : Day 1

So, the annual big bash is upon us, and MS have been the first of the console manufacturers to impress upon us with their 'Media Briefing'. As expected, it was the usual bunch of self-congratulatory, nigh-on-masturbatory collection of charts and sales figures, with one small difference from the same crap they spin every time.

It was actually nothing like that. It was, in fact, the single most impressive spin I think I can ever remember!

First off, Rock Band The Beatles was announced, including the Live exclusive "All You Need Is Love" DLC, with all proceeds going to some Dr. Charity thingy. That was a good start, and it got better when Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison popped on stage. They left, to be replaced with Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr! Regardless of how obvious a publicity stunt this was, it certainly set a pretty good tone.

Next came the promise that there would be no sales figures, just games. "Show, not tell" was the mantra. And they shew!

Tony Hawk Ride was both interesting and ridiculous, Modern Warfare 2 looked nice, Final Fantasy XIII looked like the other 12. From that point on, everything was 360 exclusive. And, it was one hell of a list!

Some Gears of Metroid Live Arcade thing from Epic started things off, followed by an 'Avatar Adventure' called Joyride, which appears to be a free-to-play MMO Racing game with premium DLC additions. Could be good! This was followed by some MONSTER titles.

Forza 3, which makes me tingle. Crackdown 2, which makes me hard. Left 4 Dead 2, which makes me cum. And they even managed to show some footage of Alan Wake, which makes me believe that this one might finally appear after all. (I also still believe that Duke Nukem Forever will one day exist, though.) And amongst this, some dude from Bungie came on stage to show us footage from Halo 3 2, as well as announcing Halo 3 3! (ODST and Reach, respectively.)

And then, came the BIG reveal. Hideo Kojima walked onto the stage to announce MGS : Rising. Apparently, this is not actually 360 exclusive, which is a bit naughty of MS to try and make people think it was. No footage, no details, just knowledge that the series is finally on the 360 will be enough to make several thousand Sony zealots cry into their forums for the next 2 months.

So far, so best keynote ever. Surely they couldn't end on a higher note than Kojima-san?

Try again. This was the point at which they revealed the motion-camera that people have been talking about for some time. Project Natal, as it is called, really does look incredible. It basically reads your motions, and transfers them to the screen. So, you literally are the controller. It is the logical extreme of the Wiimote idea, and it actually appears to work really well. Seemingly, it also has voice recognition software built in, as well as things like face recognition. I will be able to sit in front of my 360, it will turn itself on, and I will then navigate through the dashboard like Tom Cruise in Minority Report, and say 'Play game' or 'Watch movie', or maybe even 'Tweet this' since facebook and twitter interactivity was also announced. Along with last.fm, and Sky TV, I really should never have to switch my 360 off again in theory.

Top marks, MS. Absolutely stunning stuff. Everything that was asked of you in previous years was delivered in this speech. Nintendo and Sony have a HARD job ahead of them today. They will need to announce a cure for cancer or something to beat it.

Sounding the 360 death knell.

MicroSoft launced the XBox 360 a good year earlier than their immediate competitor, Sony's PlayStation 3. During this year, they managed to secure a sales lead that is still untroubled. At the same time, dealings with several developers led to exclusive titles on the MicroSoft console, and exclusive downloadable content for several of the multi-platform games. Finally, MicroSoft have developed XBox Live to be a system for everybody. From the hardcore gaming fraternity, right through to the family groups, there is a game for you to play, and most importantly content for you to buy.

Sadly, all is pretty far from rosy in 360-land.

The console itself is a technical powerhouse. Graphically, there are simply no complaints that can be thrown at it. The ease of programming allows developers to try many clever things, as they are confident with the system. Compared to the PS3, which is known to be tricky.

In terms of software, too, the 360 easily outshines its rival. The vast majority of all multiplatform titles are superior on the MicroSoft machine. This is due to the aforementioned ease of programming, as well as the one year lead. A lot of games found their home on the 360, and were rather under-subscribed by the time they eventually appeared on the PS3.

With all this in mind, what I say next may surprise you :

You should NOT buy an XBox 360!

I know what you are thinking. I know what the statement is going to lead to. I am ready for the attacks. But, I have to say what I believe.

The simple fact is that MicroSoft were in a hurry to release the first next-gen console, and in their haste they made a few mistakes. The most infamous of these is the high failure rate. Some 30% of all XBox 360 consoles in existence have so far greeted their owners with flashing red lights, otherwise known as the 'Red Ring of Death'. This is the consoles way of telling you it no longer works, and that it is time to phone MicroSoft and get them to fix it, or ship you a new one.

One in three consoles break. This is frankly a ridiculous figure, and one that no right-thinking company could be happy with. That MicroSoft have extended the warrantry to three years for this specific failure is a sign that they realise they have gotten things seriously wrong.

Only, it is not the sole problem the console has. Even if you have a console that somehow avoids this "general hardware failure", your DVD drive is not guaranteed to be a good one. Some of them have been known to destroy the discs inserted in the drive. Others simply fail to recognise that a disc is in it at all. Many people have attempted to play a game only to see a screen bearing the legend "To play this disc, please insert it into an XBox 360 console." Are you kidding me? Clearly, this is meant for DVD players. How is it possible that the 360 forgets that it is a games console?

These reasons would be enough on their own, but there is one further reason to avoid the 360. And that is XBox Live itself.

A recent update to the operating system of the console itself made the marketplace more visible, but has impacted negatively on the actual accessibility of the games. Upon loading the console, the user is greeted with adverts for content to buy. Sometimes, this content consists of content that you have already bought! If it were possible to customise the layout so that this 'spotlight' channel did not appear, then this would not be an issue. However, it is not possible. The user is forced to endure these adverts every single time they switch the console on. Considering that often the user will switch the console off and on multiple times in an attempt to actually read the disc in the drive, and you start to see the annoyance.

Naturally, making marketplace more visible has led to increased sales of content. However, whilst sales are going from strength to strength, something rather curious is occurring. Rules of supply and demand appear to be working in reverse, causing MicroSoft to raise the prices as more people buy things from them. Whereas themes once cost 150 MS points, (MS points being the fictional online currency used to buy marketplace content with), they now cost 250. And whereas games on Live Arcade were once priced at 400 points for retro re-releases, or 800 points for original titles. Since the launch of the New XBox Experience, however, 400 point titles are a thing of the past. 800 appears to be the new minimum, and 1200 is the new norm. This week, the Arcade title was R Type Dimensions, a compilation of the first two games in the series. Were they released seperately last year, one would have expected to pay 400 for each title. However, MS have decided in their wisdom that the cost should be 1200 MS points. Despite there never being an announcement that the pricing policy has changed, the official line now seems to be to charge as much as they believe they can get away with.

When developers post in their own blogs that they are being forced to charge for content despite not wanting to do so, or when they complain about not being able to develop their own games without going through an unreasonably long certification process, then something is going wrong. MicroSoft are taking the power away from the creators, and instead putting it into the hands of the accountants. In doing so, they have disregarded the gamers themselves. A developer must be free to set their own price for games. If they choose to give content away, then they should simply be allowed to. That MS is dictating the policies is to no gamers benefit.

It saddens me that this has happened. For, the XBox 360 has every potential to be the best console of all time. But, when the competitors offer online gaming for free and MS insist on charging for it, when developers find their hands are tied, when your console can not be guaranteed to work from one day to the next, then the question simply must be asked by gamers : Why am I still going along with this?

Escape from Castle Gamerscore.

I have an achievment that almost nobody else has!

Sadly, it does not appear on my gamercard. There is no direct evidence that I have done it, anywhere. There is only indirect evidence, and even then you need to know what you're looking for before the connection can possibly be made.

So, what is this mystical achievment, I hear ... er, me ... ask? Well, I shall tell ... um ... myself! It is this :

For the last couple of years, I have willingly subjected myself to the torture of this overly annoying system. I have actively chosen to spend more money on a game purely because it has achievments! (Lego Star Wars II for 360 rather than the cheaper PS2 version.) I have also denied myself the opportunity to play some other games because they don't have trophies. I realised how stupid this was in the case of Ratchet & Clank : Tools of Destruction, which I am yet to play. I decided to wait for the trophy patch, and now that I have discovered that there won't be one I suddenly feel somewhat stupid.

Why have I done this to myself? Why has an arbitrary and even random reward system become one of the dominant factors in my gaming life? Why do I CARE that I have 910 on Halo 3 compared to the 760 that Mrobjob has? (User chosen because his total gamerscore is the next one I could pass if I were still playing that particular game.) Why do I allow that missing 15 on Braid to even bother me at all?

Having a higher gamerscore does not make me a better gamer than somebody else. I know this, and yet I still trawl through the gamercards of people to see if I can justifiably make the claim. "Ha, you may have 50,000+, but you don't have a million in Geometry Wars! You don't deserve your score..."

But, recently, I just stopped caring. It helps that the 360 can no longer be relied upon to ever actually read the disc that we put inside it. Eventually, you just tire of restarting, opening and closing the tray repeatedly, and instead switch to a console that works! Further to that, even if playing a Live Arcade game, and therefore not using the DVD drive at all, it still takes 1 minute and 13 seconds from switch on to moving your ship in Geometry Wars Evolved 2. Compare this to the 25 seconds from switch-on to Secret of Mana on the Wii, and you see why the 360 has taken the back seat recently.

Going a month without any noticeable change in gamerscore was cathartic! It freed me, allowing me to once more not care about what anyone else sees, just what I do. It has allowed me to dust off the PS2 once more, and play God Hand, which shall be getting a review-me-do soon enough.

I do still wish that the rest of the world could see what I am playing. I would also love for there to be a "Beat Fat Elvis without using Roulette" achievable, or "Spank 50 women". For now, though, I will content myself with the knowledge that I have done both, until some smart arse invents an all-format 'Achievment Aggregator' that tells the world everything in every game!

Mirrors Edge review-me-do.

The trailers were so promising! Full of blue-skies, incredible stunts, gymnastic feats, and WEEEEECOOLSPEEDY bits. Sure, the protagonist is a tad ugly, but who the hell cares about that in a game where pretty much the only thing you never see is your own face?

With good reason, people have been excited about this one. In a world full of REHASHAN and SHOOTAN, something new is something to celebrate. And Mirror's Edge is definitely a contender for "Coolest idea of the year" in gameplay terms. When people call it a 'free running' game they are mistaken, although it certainly seems that way at first. It is not Parkour, though, because you are not really trying to do anything with style. You are mostly getting from A to B as fast as possible, which maturally involves jumping and sliding, so it is obvious why people made the connection.

And, it has to be said, there are parts of Mirror's Edge that genuinely capture a feeling of unbridled motion along the rooftops. Sometimes you see where you need to be, and immediately see several ways to get there. On these instances you simply can't help yourself ; You COULD just climb that wall, but why do that when you could jump up there, slide over there, and then launch from that and roll nicely upon landing? A lack of momentum is rarely punished, and yet you feel a need to maintain it. It is purely because it is so much fun, the game appears to not actively punish you for slowing down.

Which is why it is so frustrating when the game FORCES you to slow down! Honestly, up on those rooftops is Nirvana. You feel at times like you never want to go back indoors again. So, the decision to set half the game indoors is a baffling one. Crawling through air ducts has NEVER been enjoyable, and yet in the first three chapters I have had to do it on at least three occasions. So, let me get this straight ... I am able to run along walls before leaping to catch the slightest overhang, and so naturally I take advantage of this by crawling in confined spaces. Or, waiting in lifts for a minute at a time!

It's crazy. It's almost like in the Sonic games, where the designers seem to want to restrict you too often. The best part is the running. By limiting the running, they are also limiting the fun. Because, GENERIC SHOOTAN GAME #34 does the in-building combat bits so much better than Mirror's Edge does.

I get that it wouldn't be realistic for Faith to be some kind of tank. She is an athlete, not a warrior, and so it makes total sense that she can't just stand there and absorb gunshots. But, it does seem like she is somewhat of a wuss. Pretty much two shots mean curtains. Now, I like this, but then it becomes a problem when there are more than two enemies around. Which is more or less every time there are any enemies around. Throw in the occasional helicopter gunship, and another SERIOUS flaw, and it would be very easy to hate this game.

SERIOUS flaw. Almost a game-breaker. I'm not even kidding, it is more than frustrating, it is absolutely infuriating.

Apparently, there is a thing called 'Runner Vision' wherein things you are meant to jump off/climb up/interact with are red. This is nice, but often there is nothing red on your screen at all. And so you can press B to show you where to go. Yes, the game felt the need to include a "Where the fuck do I go?" button. Something I have frequently wished more games would do, as it happens. It is a great move, except for a quite glaringly obvious contradiction.

A game about MOVEMENT and FLOW should not really ever leave me wondering "Where the fuck do I go?", should it? Am I alone in finding this to be a somewhat major gripe? Plus, it doesn't even work properly. Early in chapter 3 you come to a roof with no obvious way up to it. You can see precisely where you need to be, and a quick press of "Where the fuck do I go?" confirms this, and yet it seems to be completely beyond your reach.

I tried multiple combinations of jumps, wallruns, rolls, turns, and could not reach the next rooftop. It made no sense. I don't even know why I found the button that moved the window cleaning platform so that I could reach the roof, but it would have been nice if "Where the fuck do I go?" pointed me there instead of my ultimate destination! Fifteen whole minutes on that roof, trying every kind of athletic feat I could think of, when the solution was something far more mundane.

Playing Mirror's Edge, then, is akin to visiting a friends house as a child. He has some wonderful toys, so much better than yours, but you are only able to play with them for a couple of minutes before they are taken away. To make things worse, if you ever do get the chance to play with them on your own, you find that they are hidden from you and you have to go and find them first.

I have completed the first three chapters so far, and I have been somewhat disappointed in what I have played. Sure, there are moments where it has been everything that I had hoped for, but they have been too few and far between. Any game that has me shouting "WHERE THE FUCK DO I GO?" at the screen even when it includes a button to answer that question is getting something very basic very wrong. I'm not asking to have my hand-held. I am just asking for clear direction. By all means make getting to my destination as hard as you like, but never hide it from me.

I file this under 'Missed opportunity', then. I am sure that time trials and speedruns will change things for the better, but having to plod through a story first to get to the good bits is less fun than the designers seem to think. A game that is about getting from A to Z should also show you the way to the other 24 letters, and Mirror's Edge doesn't do that well enough.

Schizophrenic RPG-ing.

I've been playing a lot of Fable II this week.

Ok, there is no way to not say it. The game is magnificent. In many ways it is everything the first game promised us it would be. Every action has a consequence, truly. Even the accidental discharges of magic can lead to unwanted effects. I fired off some blades in Bowesrtone Old Town, and was charged with the crime of 'Vandalism'. This bought the law to me, who asked for a 10 gold fine. However, I also had the opportunity to do Community Service, or to even resist arrest! (I chose the Community Service, but when I fired my first spell I violated my parole, and was given the same choice again.)

I like this. It is no longer a case of 'Good or Evil' at key moments, it literally follows you through your entire life. And, you are rated on more than one scale, too. Goodness, Purity, Attractiveness, and some other hidden ones. Buying clothes can give you bonuses in Ridiculousness and Cross-Dressing, and foods have a Fatness component. All the NPCs in the game respond to different things, so some of them like you to dance for them, while some of them are flirty. Usually, any action you do attracts a crowd, and this can lead to entire cities being madly in love with you, hinting that their finger would look so much better with a ring on it. So much so that the freaks will literally follow you into your house when you go to get your nookie on!

And yet, with so much epic going on, it still manages to mess up on some of the most basic levels. Like the menu system. If you use any item, it kicks you straight out and back into the game engine in order to show you any changes. I get that, I completely understand the point if, say, you were changing clothes. But, if I just read a book? Why should I need to see the effect it has on my dog? It is overly annoying, because generally you find a whole bunch of books at the same time.

I adore the combat! Mapping all your melee onto X, ranged attacks onto Y, and Magic (skills) onto B sounds like a way to oversimplify and dumb things down. Far from it, it actually allows for some intricate combos, particularly with skills. Risk vs reward is an overlooked game mechanic these days, and it is nice to see a game implement it so very well.

And, the game is just fun. Often lol-worthy, always at least amusing. The inclusion of co-op via Live AND local is the icing on the cake! Or would be, had they not gimped out the local co-op so. Basically, all action takes place on the same screen, which makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that player 2 can only be a henchman, and not their own character. Probably there are just too many variables to track, and it would be silly to have players 1 spouse cower in fear every time they saw player 2, so I guess that is forgiveable. What is NOT forgiveable is that the only person in the entirety of creation that I can not give a gift to is my own girlfriend because she does not have a seperate 360 to play the game on. I can give a gift to ANYBODY over Live, even random freaks who just happen to be in the same town as me. But someone I care about? Apparently not. Who thought this was a smart move, huh?

The Live system is a good one, actually. It is like an MMO, only not exactly. What happens is that every player has an orb, that shows where they are and their gamertag, and you can highlight them to check them out as if they were an NPC. You don't see the player, just the orb. If they have a headset, you can hear them talking within a certain distance. There is one fairly massive drawback to this system.

It reminds me that Fable II is NOT an MMO, and gets me thinking about MMOs again. I now have a hankering to play one!